I recently published an article on attitudes and behaviors of successful people.

http://www.yourbusinesscoach.net/Attitudes-Behavior-of-Success.html

One of the behaviors I discuss is selfishness. I did not realize how difficult a topic that is for most people. I received and continue to receive comments about this article from all segments of business as well as faith based non profit organizations.

I am posting one email I received on this topic and my response. Please understand I am not taking a stance, claiming to be a religious scholar or promoting anything except that selfishness, when applied to your life vision/purpose can be a good thing.

Because this email came from an individual in a faith based institution it discusses Christian values. Please do not send me emails and try to “sell” me on your beliefs. I won’t read them. But if you have something of substance to share please post your comments or send me an email at info@yourbusinesscoach.net.

I am interested in how you would have responded to this email, especially if you run a business and try to run it based on Christian values or if you are secular in your approach. Please post your comments so others can learn from you.

Here is his email.

Hi Ron,

Great article, I will copy and save. I thought about applying or reconciling these behavioral traits with my Christian values and I did OK with most, but I had to give “Selfishness” a lot of thought. In some ways, Jesus was the most selfless person who ever lived, giving his very life for those he did not know and even for those who hated him. On the other hand, there are several instances recorded in the Gospels where Jesus escaped the crowds following him, to rest or pray.

I think I bend over backward to avoid being perceived as selfish, but then I find myself being overextended and overcommitted. I feel I’ve gotten better with age at not taking on more than I can handle but it usually means making uncomfortable choices about the use of my time. Any insights would be appreciated. Best wishes for continued success with all your endeavors.

Sincerely,

Here is my response.

Thank you for the email and your thoughts. I appreciate you sharing this. I too have struggled with this concept and have given it a great deal of attention and thought.

If I may, I would like you to think about something that may help with your dilemma.

When you have a clear understanding of your life’s vision/purpose and you construct your behaviors, goals and action to make that purpose a reality, choices have to be made. You need to be selfish to further your cause. How many times did Mother Teresa refuse PR activities, fund raising activities, and other events that would take her away from her stated mission? She was probably the most selfish person I have ever read about. She knew what she wanted and worked endlessly in furthering that cause. Everything else was secondary.

It comes down to one question. Can you become the very best at your chosen profession if you are pulled in thousands of different directions? The choice is either excellence or mediocrity in our life’s vision/purpose. It all depends on how important it is for you.

Jesus knew when he needed a rest and he took. Jesus knew his life’s work and every action, every move, every thought was around making this work a reality. Jesus made choices and by his choices he alienated some very important people. But he did what he had to do to make his purpose a reality.

Selfishness is one of the biggest problems we all face. We are taught almost from the day we are born not to be selfish and share; that is good. What we are not taught as we get older is that selfishness is also good, especially when we finally understand what is important to us. It protects our time, if focuses our attention, it creates an environment of success. This all leads to results.

Please understand I am not talking about childish selfishness where everything is mine, mine, mine. I am talking about being mature in your selfish where you decide what to spend your time on, how you spend your time, who you do with your time.

Sincerely,

Ron

His reply

Dear Ron,

Many thanks for your keen insights. Yes, your thoughts are very helpful. It seems to come down to being selfish (and zealous) for the right reasons, the noble purposes, the just causes. And yes, to be the best we can be as a reflection on Jesus, whom we say is our model. I think it’s somewhere in the Gospel of John, Chapter 17, where he prays (and I’m paraphrasing) “Father, I have done what I was sent to do.” It goes back to the focus you talked about.

I took a Covey time management seminar last year and one of the big points they made was to determine your fundamental priorities, goals and objectives, and then arrange your life to accomplish those G&O’s; eliminate the things that do not achieve the G&O’s. This involves self-discipline, which you also talked about.

Thank you again. I see that becoming the man God created me to be is a lifelong process, one of ongoing refinement and eliminating barriers to success (including those of my own making!)

Best Regards,

Please post your comments.